New Indonesian Panel to Investigate Why Nothing Ever Happens After Panels
Indonesia launches a new summit to ask why previous panels failed to deliver results. The irony? It’s run by the same people.
JAKARTA — The Indonesian Business Council has announced a new high-level panel discussion aimed at tackling the most pressing issue facing the nation's development: the complete and utter absence of impact from previous panels.
The event, titled “Unlocking the Accountability of Unlocking Accountability,” will be held at the Shangri-La Hotel next Tuesday, featuring a full roster of seasoned panelists who have participated in more than 600 summits between them… and implemented exactly zero initiatives.
Tickets for the event sold out in under 45 seconds, thanks in large part to the announcement that absolutely nothing will change afterward.
Event chairwoman Melania Gunawan, explained the intent behind the summit. “For too long, panels have suffered from a lack of self-awareness,” she said. “This is our moment to finally panel the panelists, to conference the conferences, and to moderate the moderators.”
The itinerary includes key sessions such as:
“Why We Keep Hosting Panels That Don’t Lead to Anything”
“Reframing Inaction as Strategic Patience”
“The Illusion of Progress: A Fireside Chat”
One anonymous official called the event “a turning point,” adding, “We’re proud to host a panel about accountability, even if we’ll never be accountable for what happens in it.”
The speaker list reads like a who’s-who of Indonesia’s panel circuit. Attendees can expect to hear from:
Rizky Subagio, CEO of four failed fintech startups and now a full-time conference speaker.
Dr. Amanda Lestari, a sustainability consultant who hasn’t seen a tree in three years.
Colonel (Ret.) Bambang Prasetyo, now a “digital transformation expert” following a 30-year career in the military logistics corps.
Denny Prakasa, who once introduced himself as a “regulation simplifier” during a panel that introduced six new layers of compliance.
Critics have questioned the usefulness of bringing back the exact same people who failed to move the needle in the first place, but organizers insist their “decade of experience not getting anything done” makes them perfectly qualified to comment on why nothing gets done.
The panel’s moderator, Rina Mahendra, has promised to ask tough, pre-approved questions submitted in advance by the speakers themselves.
When pressed about the expected outcomes of the discussion, organizers hinted at the possibility of recommending a follow-up summit or even a regional task force on panel efficacy.
“We’re cautiously optimistic that this panel will lead to further discussions about what needs to be discussed,” said spokesperson Andi Wijaya. “Not immediate action, of course. That would be unrealistic. But a clearly worded declaration about our desire to be more intentional with our intentions? Absolutely.”
Meanwhile, early feedback from VIP attendees was glowing. One startup founder described the event as “a great networking opportunity” and admitted he hadn’t actually listened to any of the discussions but was “honored to be featured on the backdrop.”
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