Indonesia Rebrands Red Tape as ‘Strategic Sovereignty Ribbons’
Indonesia gives its bureaucracy a makeover, replacing red tape with color-coded 'Strategic Sovereignty Ribbons' for foreign investors.
JAKARTA — Indonesia has announced a sweeping rebrand of its notorious bureaucracy. Starting this quarter, all investor-facing delays will no longer be referred to as “red tape,” but rather as Strategic Sovereignty Ribbons, each carefully color-coded to reflect the nature of the obstruction.
“They’re not delays. They’re decorative,” said one senior official during a press conference.
Under the new system, foreign investors will receive a personalized ribbon collection when filing permits, with colors indicating the source of the holdup. For instance:
🔴 Red: Local content non-compliance
🟡 Yellow: Halal certification processing
🟢 Green: Pending approval from five overlapping agencies
⚪ White: Someone important is on leave
🔵 Blue: “Still under internal discussion”
Investors are encouraged to collect all five for a chance to unlock expedited review.
Officials stressed that the initiative was not a delay, but rather an immersive patriotic experience.
“Every ribbon tells a story,” explained spokesperson, Hendra Simatupang. “When an EV startup receives the red ribbon, it means the state is guiding them lovingly toward deeper localization. When it’s yellow, we’re just ensuring the lithium in your batteries is spiritually compliant.”
The program will be rolled out with new investor welcome kits, which now include a commemorative sticker sheet, a stamped certificate of loyalty, and a map of Danantara board members’ preferred golf courses.
Sources confirmed that a premium “platinum ribbon” may soon be added, awarded to investors who demonstrate a willingness to make a significant financial commitment without asking too many questions.
Reaction from foreign investors has been mixed.
“This is easily the most elaborate bureaucratic obstacle course we’ve ever seen,” said one Japanese logistics firm. “But the ribbons are high quality. Ours even came with a wax seal and a quote from Sukarno.”
Meanwhile, several European tech startups have reported delays tied to the newly introduced Indonesian Values Alignment Certificate, which is still awaiting a full definition. One company attempting to export carbon sensors was denied clearance on the grounds that its product “did not sufficiently reflect Pancasila.”
The French Chamber of Commerce described the process as “Camus meets batik.”
However, Indonesian officials remain undeterred. “We’re not trying to be difficult,” said a spokesperson for the Coordinating Ministry of Coordinated Ministries. “We’re trying to be sovereign, strategic, and slightly mysterious. That’s a brand position, not a policy failure.”
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