Indonesia Demands U.S. Remove Tariffs, Insists Their 300% Taxes on Bourbon Are Totally Different
Indonesia blasts U.S. tariffs as unfair while maintaining 300% import taxes on bourbon. Free trade, it seems, works better when it's one-sided.
JAKARTA— Indonesia has slammed the United States’ recent decision to impose tariffs on select Southeast Asian imports, calling the move “economically violent,” “a betrayal of shared trade values,” and “deeply inconvenient to our current business model.”
The U.S. tariffs, have been framed by the Trump administration as a “reciprocal adjustment” to long-standing trade imbalances with the region. Indonesian officials, however, are not amused.
“They cannot just impose taxes on our exports,” said spokesperson Adi Wiranto. “This is a hostile act against the principles of open markets, multilateral cooperation, and our quarterly export targets.”
When asked about Indonesia’s own import tariffs, an official was quick to clarify.
“That’s different,” he said. “Our alcohol taxes are rooted in deeply held cultural values, public health priorities, and the need to discourage foreign corruption of our sacred pricing models.”
He then added, “Also, we really like the revenue.”
Pressed further on why it’s acceptable to maintain triple-digit import taxes on American goods while condemning a 32% U.S. tariff as protectionist, the spokesperson responded.
“We believe in free trade. But only when we’re doing the trading.”
Indonesian officials emphasized that the tariffs were jeopardizing years of progress built on sending cheap manufactured goods into high-value markets without having to let much of anything in return.
“This decision by the U.S. violates our implicit agreement,” said an unnamed official. “That agreement being: we sell you stuff at scale, and in return, we ignore your stuff completely unless it’s wheat, spare parts, or Netflix.”
When asked whether the tariffs might encourage Indonesia to revisit its own trade barriers, she paused. “We could consider it,” she said, “but only if the U.S. first agrees to permanently suspend all duties on our exports, issue a formal apology, and send us a gift basket of tax-free bourbons for evaluation.”
While Indonesian trade officials remain indignant, outside observers have suggested a more measured approach.
“This is what we call a reciprocal trade action,” said Dr. Farid Aziz, an economist at the University of Jakarta who requested to remain anonymous, then gave his name anyway. “It’s what happens when you tax the daylights out of someone else’s products for 20 years and then get surprised when they stop smiling about it.”
Asked what his solution might be, Dr. Aziz responded, “I’d recommend the Trade Ministry buy a mirror. A full-length one. Look into it. Hold that gaze.”
Meanwhile, in Washington, officials say they remain open to dialogue, provided it doesn’t begin with the phrase, “That’s different.”
U.S. Trade Representative spokesperson Kate Millstone said the tariffs were not punitive, but rather “a polite reminder that trade relationships are supposed to be mutual, not nostalgic.”
“Indonesia has treated American imports like party crashers for years,” she added. “Now that we’ve asked to see an invitation too, everyone’s suddenly offended.”
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