UK Officially Changes ‘Christmas’ to ‘C-Word’ in Government Communications
The UK government has reportedly rebranded Christmas as the “C-Word” in official communications, prompting confusion.
LONDON — The UK government has announced that the word “Christmas” will be officially replaced in all public communications with “The C-Word.”
The announcement was made during a press briefing held behind closed doors to avoid triggering festive associations.
“From this point forward, all government messaging will refer to the December period formerly known as Christmas by the more sensitive, less polarising term ‘the C-Word’,” said Home Office spokesperson, Sir Malcolm Hewish.
He added that council communications, school newsletters, and public health campaigns must now conform, or face possible audits by the newly formed Seasonal Terminology Compliance Authority (STCA).
The phrase “Merry Christmas” will now be listed under the List of Contextually Volatile Terminology (CVT), alongside terms such as “fireman,” and “British values.”
Reactions from the public have been mixed.
“I always thought the C-word meant something entirely different,” said Sandra Evans, 58, from Leeds. “I’m more offended by that Gregg’s mince pie price than someone saying Merry Christmas, to be honest.”
Ali Hussain, a shop owner in Birmingham, said he continues to put up a “Merry Christmas” sign in his window every year.
“I’m Muslim. I like the lights. I like the snowflakes. I like the music. No one I know is offended. I have bigger problems, like parking.”
But HR departments across the country are celebrating early, citing the new terminology as “a major win for seasonal neutrality.” Several large corporations have already adopted it internally, with Tesco now advertising “C-Word Turkeys.”
In keeping with tradition, King Charles III is expected to deliver his Annual C-Word Address to the nation on 25 December. Royal aides confirm the King will sit next to a legally ambiguous tree and speak in general tones of goodwill, while avoiding all known adjectives linked to specific belief systems.
A draft of the message reads:
“At this time of calendrical transition, let us all reflect, rejoice, and remember to be gently mindful of each other’s space and spiritual ambiguity.”
Sources inside the Palace say His Majesty fought to include the words “peace,” “hope,” and “family,” but was told these may violate neutrality guidelines unless accompanied by a disclaimer.
Back at Whitehall, staff are reportedly brainstorming next year’s campaign, which includes a possible name change for “Santa Claus,” who has been identified in an internal audit as:
“An elderly cisgender male operating under unclear labour laws in Arctic conditions with strong religious branding.”
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