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Bill Gates Clarifies Epstein Meetings Were For Completely Normal Billionaire Reasons
Bill Gates uses billionaire logic to explain Epstein meetings, baffling everyone who still believes explanations should explain things.
Jun 18
•
Leigh McKiernon
Millions Of Americans Shocked To Learn U.S. Soccer Team Apparently Pretty Good Now
Millions of confused Americans discover the US soccer team might be good, forcing the nation to learn offsides and pretend it always cared.
Jun 13
•
Leigh McKiernon
Far-Right Protesters Shocked To Learn Burning Things Does Not Improve Local Community
Residents express surprise that destroying public infrastructure has not improved their quality of life, despite repeated assurances from angry men.
Jun 11
•
Leigh McKiernon
Trump Booed At Knicks Game, Claims Crowd Was Saying “Boo-ild The Wall”
Madison Square Garden erupts as Trump appears on the jumbotron, prompting him to declare the boos were actually a passionate wall-building chant.
Jun 10
•
Leigh McKiernon
Experts Warn Middle East Peace Deal Could Destabilize Cable News Programming
Cable news producers are in disarray today as peace talks threaten the steady supply of crisis coverage and emergency special reports.
Jun 7
•
Leigh McKiernon
UK Government Solves Two-Tier Policing Row With Third Tier For Everyone Who Complains
Ministers hail a breakthrough as the two-tier policing debate is replaced by an even larger argument about a brand-new third tier.
Jun 6
•
Leigh McKiernon
1
Trump Invades Greenland, Renames It ‘Orange Land’
Greenland is renamed Orange Land after a formal announcement from Trump, with officials insisting the move is “very legal.”
Jan 8
•
Leigh McKiernon
4
Epstein Coverage Generates Enough Content to Distract Nation from Literally Everything Else
Congress halts legislative duties as Epstein coverage dominates national attention. Protesters too distracted to care.
Jan 7
•
Leigh McKiernon
3
Kennedy Center Renaming Sparks Boycott From People Who Just Googled What the Kennedy Center Is
Outrage over the Kennedy Center’s new name has sparked national protest... mostly from people who’ve never been to a show.
Jan 6
•
Leigh McKiernon
2
Khamenei Flees Iran for Sadiq Khan’s Spare Bedroom in East London
Iran’s Supreme Leader reportedly flees to London and is now staying in Mayor Sadiq Khan’s spare bedroom amid rising unrest and global controversy.
Jan 6
•
Leigh McKiernon
3
Pentagon Clarifies Smuggler Boat Was Destroyed for Its Own Safety
The Pentagon says a smuggler boat was destroyed not as an act of force, but for its own safety, describing it as “a very dangerous boat.”
Jan 5
•
Leigh McKiernon
3
Man Attends A&E For Sore Throat After Being Told GP Appointment Available In 2027
A man rushed to A&E with a sore throat after discovering the next GP appointment available was in the summer of 2027.
Jan 4
•
Leigh McKiernon
1
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